How To Disclose your CSE Trauma To A Partner
If you’ve experienced trauma while being in the commercial sex industry (CSE), you may find it difficult to open up to your partner about what happened. It's understandable to feel like you’re not ready to talk about it or that your partner won’t understand. However, it’s important to communicate with your partner about your experiences and how they’ve affected you.
Why It Is Difficult To Explain Trauma To A Partner
When you’ve experienced trauma in the CSE, it can be difficult to feel safe and trusting again. It can be hard to explain what you need from your partner in order to feel safe. One thing to remember is that your partner cannot “fix” you or take away your pain. It is important for them to understand that you are the only one who can heal from your trauma. Your partner needs to be patient and understand that it will take time for you to heal. They also need to be prepared for setbacks and triggering events.
You can also benefit from communicating what you need from your partner in order to feel safe. This may include things like physical space, emotional distance, or specific words and actions.
The Impact Of Trauma On Relationships
When it comes to talking about past traumas with a partner, it’s important to be honest and open. However, it’s also important to be aware of how your trauma may be impacting your relationship. Trauma can often lead to feelings of isolation, mistrust, and anxiety. It can be difficult to feel close to someone when you’re constantly on guard. If you’re finding it hard to connect with your partner, there are ways to work through these issues and methods of how to explain trauma to a partner. It’s important to communicate with your partner about your needs and expectations. If you’re feeling triggered or overwhelmed, let them know. It takes time and patience, but working through trauma together can make your relationship even stronger.
Should you tell someone about your trauma?
To decide if you should disclose, ask yourself these three questions:
Is your sexual trauma having a negative impact on your relationship? Is it limiting intimacy, making you avoid anything, or holding you back?
Is this relationship progressing important to you?
Do you trust this person?
If you answered yes to all, then perhaps some aspects of the trauma should be disclosed. Remember, the decision to disclose is one that makes you feel empowered and safe. You have the agency to decide how much or how little to share.
Choosing the right time
While there is no timetable on when you should share, there are a few "green flags" that might help you decide. Look for empathy in your partner, openness to conversations related to sexual assault without victim-blaming thoughts, and respect for your boundaries. Remember, you can stop at any time if you feel unsafe.
Tips for sharing
A few things you might like to consider when disclosing are setting boundaries, choosing the right time and place, and being honest. Establish your own boundaries before the conversation regarding what you are comfortable sharing and not sharing. Let the other person know what you expect from the conversation and choose a time and place where you feel safe and there are minimal distractions. You can tell them in a way that makes you feel comfortable, whether it's in person, over an email, over the phone, or in a text. Try to be honest and real about the impact trauma has had on you.
How To Start The Conversation
Now that we've covered some important points, let's dive into how to start the conversation. When sharing your story, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being.
Here are some ways to keep yourself safe while disclosing your trauma:
Talk about your triggers. Explain what sets off your memories and emotions related to the trauma. This will help your partner understand what may cause you distress and how they can support you.
Share whatever is comfortable for you. You don't have to share everything at once. Start with a more general description and see how your partner reacts. Take breaks if you start feeling dysregulated or if the response isn't what you hoped for.
Establish boundaries with yourself and your partner. Be mindful of what details you are willing to share and what may feel too much for you at that time. Consider your partner's boundaries as well if they also have their own history of sexual trauma.
Practice sharing your story. The more you tell your story, the easier it can become. Practice writing it down through journaling or talking in front of a mirror.
Take care of yourself after sharing. Consider what you need to feel safe and supported. Communicate your needs to your partner, whether it's a hug, alone time, or someone to talk to.
Remember, telling your story is your choice, and you have the power to decide how and when to share it. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself throughout the process. This is your story to tell as you please.
